These past couple of weeks have been very hard for me. Since my dad died in November, there have been finances to deal with, bills, phone calls, and family issues. I'm sure my experience isn't a whole lot different than what other people who lose a close family member deal with. It just feels different. Because it's MY family. I've experienced so many different kinds of hurt that I don't quite no which end is up right now. My heart is aching for my dad. I miss him terribly. Relationships within my own extended family have become strained after his passing. Why? Money issues mainly. But along with that came trust issues. And faith in each other. I've felt hurt by some coworkers that I thought were really good friends, but have felt disappointed in their absence while I've struggled. Some of that is my fault...I didn't TELL them how I felt. Maybe they didn't know what to say, or thought I wanted to be left alone. Sometimes I DID want to be left alone. I've felt hurt that the law seems to support what is wrong rather than what is right. I've felt hurt by my dad for leaving things undone and now I'm left to take care of a big mess. Then guilty of course. I've felt hurt by some who are just being plain dishonest and selfish. Just talking about hurt today. And thinking about faith. And my fathers.
I need to feel my faith. I need my father. And My Father. And that's all I know right now.
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