Quiet.

They went back to school this morning and the house is quiet. Last night I did everything I could do to make the morning rush go a little more smoothly. The laundry was done, they had their clothes laid out, backpacks were cleaned then filled with folders and library books ready to return. Can you hear the washer and dryer? the kids arguing about putting their clothes away?  shouts of "I can't find that book!" I had shopped for lunch supplies and we found all the hats and mittens we knew we would need for the cold snap that came overnight. Can you hear the sounds of groceries being put away in pantry and cupboards? the slamming of closet doors and complaints of lost mittens? After a slight delay getting the van to go (the doors were frozen shut! Hello winter temps at last!), we were off and they were on their way back to school after two weeks of a really wonderful Christmas break. Hear the sounds of an ice scraper on my windshield, the beeping of a partially open/closed van door that is frozen!?

And now...it's quiet here. I know many moms are super happy about the words "back to school" after a long Christmas break. And I admit I am super eager to be able to clean a room and have it stay clean for the day. I've read the Facebook posts since Christmas Day; so many complaints of the mess, the kids fighting with each other, the lines for returns, the "I'm bored Mom" complaints amidst piles of gifts received just a few days before. But I have to say that even though I experienced some of this myself, (didn't I just comment about wanting a clean room??) I really enjoyed having them home with me. Hearing their laughter as they played, listening to the girl sing to herself, listening to the boy's constant "would you rather" questions, ("would you rather be in a car with a bunch of girls that love you and hate each other, or hate YOU and love each other?"), listening to her reading Ralph S. Mouse, listening to his loud music and efforts to train the dog to roll over. And now it's quiet.

I'll enjoy the quiet a bit for sure. And I will most likely treat myself to a manicure this week, watch some DVRd shows, crush some candy, and other things for myself. But I will also be really happy to meet them at the bus stop and hear the stories of their first week back after so long away from school. Quiet gone again...thank goodness.

Becoming the Stay At Home Mom

     I had taken a medical leave from my job teaching 4th grade in order to care for my dad. He had been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and needed all around care as he received treatments and neared the end of his life. I taught elementary school for 12 years in the same school district that we live in. After my dad passed on, there was his home and estate to attend to out of state, and I was devastated by his death. So I did not return to teaching that school year. During that precious time with my dad, we had many talks about the past and the future and my ideas about what I thought my life ahead would be like quickly began to change. My priorities became more clear, and the things I had focused on each and every moment of my dad while at work in the schools began to change. As many in the teaching profession can tell you, it's not been a good place to be lately. I felt the focus (kids) was being lost to data, scores, paperwork and meetings. My free time was less nourishing to my soul because I wasn't able to let go of thoughts of work and it's pressures. When I was home, my head was at school. When I was at school, my thoughts were about all that I wasn't getting done at home and all I was missing with my kids and my husband. I was feeling----lost.
    So after much discussion and praying, we decided that after 12 years of teaching, I would quit my job and become a....."Stay At Home Mom".  It was a great decision. But not an easy decision. And since that time, not an easy transition. It's been two years since my dad died and I am still trying to figure out this new "hat" I am wearing. The "mom walks you to the bus" hat. The "oh you don't work so you can volunteer for this right?" hat. The "I'm going to get myself organized" hat. The "wait for the kids at the school flagpole with the other  moms" hat.  Lots of new hats.
     The best part of being home is definitely being able to give myself to my kids. It is a total blessing to have this weight off of my shoulders and I am grateful each and every day for my husband's job allowing us the financial freedom to be able to do it. I am not unaware of so many friends that wish they could do the same. But this new hat is taking some getting used to for sure.

back to school

It's that time of the year. We've gone back to school.
Adam started 2nd grade this year. It's very difficult for me to see him as this "big kid" when truly what seems like just a few months ago we were learning letters, teaching him to write his name, and trying really hard to make sure he had matching clothes on. While we still work on matching the clothes, now he can read at about a 3rd grade level, has quite an imagination when he writes amazing stories, and really IS a big kid. Lucy also went back to her routine. But even that isn't quite the same. This year she started her pre-K program. She will go to kindergarten next year (shhh--I'm not ready for that blog yet) and she is loving it. The best part for her is that she has a new teacher, Miss Sara, and she gets to skip a nap after lunch most days. I also went back to school. You know that I teach 4th grade and moved to a new classroom this year. I am really enjoying my new batch of students, but I'm yearning to get home to my own kids. I miss their faces, their laughter, their stories and their words. (Most of them.)  I also really enjoy the summer because I get some extra time with Mark. We are able to have lunches together, Gmail chats, ice cream treats, and just more hours of the day together. Now that school has started, I'm feeling that nostalgia for the hours of daylight we all spent together. Of course it will feel better soon, but right now I'm feeling the back to school blues from schedules, paperwork, rushing and mostly.....time away from my family that I enjoyed so so much this summer.